guitar body blanks

The manic Scott

The manic Scott

By Scott Bennett

It all begins with a lucid dream I had … I went up to my high school's football field, as everyone in the school stood in the bleachers waiting for me, but I had come up from behind for the cheerleaders and dance team was. I remember a girl yelling "Hey Scott!" From the bleachers, and then another girl said, "Now smile!" A third woman had run up to me to take a picture of me with his camera. Before she did, I looked to my left and saw my boyfriend and she said hello to me very excited and my body filled with warm pleasure and excitement. It was a race. I quickly looked back to the camera and smiled. The flash blinded me moment, and before half a second I had realized that I was actually dreaming and then when I looked back to my girlfriend, I realized that she actually was my ex-boyfriend because I was now aware that it was just a dream. A dark wave of depression swarmed my guts. When lucid, I realized that she had just broken up with me a few days before. In that moment I wanted to die. And I did. My body, my soul started to fall down to the grass, but fell through into an abyss of cards dark, which I then woke up to my body, feeling died when I was sprawled out on my basement couch. This dream, I think, is what induced my month long episode of mania.

The week before this dream I had suffered greatly from depression. I had been very ill for nearly a month with bronchitis and congestion. Ultimately, tested positive for mononucleosis after a painful trip to the ER resulted in a blood sample. I had been in excruciating pain for several days because of a serious throat infection. The pain was unbearable. I could not sleep or eat. The pain was radiating into my jaw and my tongue. I was totally miserable. When I told my girlfriend that I had mono her reply to me via text was "…" Dot, dot, dot. It did not make her happy with me, I think. She broke up with me 3 days later. I loved her and could not get over her. This was the main reason for my depression. I was lonely and sick. Desperate, I was on the verge of losing my sanity. I soon thereafter.

In the same week, he told my best friend of 12 years to me that he would be sent away to a residential hospital for 4-5 months with contact only through letters. So, I lost my boyfriend, best friend, and physical health within a week. Mono of course made me miss school for a month, so I also lost my chance for an advanced diploma. I was about to lose my future. These events caused me to lose everything I loved. I cherish all the memories before this point, because after these events, I'm another point of mine, my mind.

I might as well have been on acid for 30 days. I was hallucinating. I could hear voices. My writings appear to be schizophrenic. I spent all my money in a week, a great grand wasted. I could watch TV in 3-D, I thought I could walk on water, I thought I could travel in time, and I thought I would be able to fly. Very late in my episode, I really thought I was the second coming of Jesus Christ, and that I should save the world. These are some of the things top of my head that I remember to do. I do not remember much. It may sound unrealistic, but I can assure you, I thought these things 100%. I was convinced I was a super creature, a superhero. I spent day after day trying to travel in time. It felt like being in a movie. It was like being high on life. I was manic. I know it's hard to believe but all these things were my passions. I felt determined to acquire these skills and my explanation of everything was that I was stuck in a dream. I woke up this day believe I was still in a lucid dream. And for the next 30 days I lived like it.

The first thing I remember doing is to take 3-D glasses a toilet roll, and my Ipod and get euphoric from staring at the rainbow that appeared when I looked through the 3-D eye tubes I had done. I lay on the ground for several hours and stared at the ceiling light as I tried different combinations of on-going cross-eyed. I got high off going cross-eyed over 100 times. Even today, go cross-eyed still fascinates me. At one time I was in a parking garage, and when I went cross-eyed, I hallucinated a yellowish grass area around my car with a blue sky. Another significant hallucination I had was when I watched TV. I wanted to see everything in 3-D, even cartoons and pictures, too LCDs. I remember going to The Mall and be astonished that the weatherman was fired out of the screen, as I walked by. One thing I tried to do many times did water appear on my glasses using my eyes. I will also try to bend light and melt water bottles. I spent a lot of my time on my deck just staring at the sun and smoking cigarettes. I was very dependent on cigarettes during this time, a package today and now I can not stop.

One day I went to school during my manic episode, and I ended up writing a 25 page hand essay on why one is zero, 1 = 0 I called this equation faith. I thought that the figures were all borders, and that language was unable to ever represent concept of infinity correctly. For me, infinite is a belief, not a number. I thought I had broken a barrier in the spiritual world by proving that 1 = 0 This was another explanation, I gave myself about why I felt these new feelings. I thought that I had crossed over.

To be mentally insane temporarily and then return to normal is called drifting back to reality. It happened when my psychologist and psychiatrist convinced me that I was not in a dream. I did not believe them for a while, until one day struck me. I was so depressed again for a week or so, but then returned to hypo manic. This is when I was diagnosed bipolar. Within a year I had been diagnosed with anxiety as panic disorder and OCD, and when I got diagnosed with ADHD. I am currently on 6 different prescribed medications but still have minor panic attacks every day, and I constantly struggling with ADHD.

Every medication I have tried or are currently have a drug experience for me. Zoloft was the first prescribed medications given to me for my anxiety problems. It took 2 weeks to kick in, but I remember being at work when I felt a buzzing feeling apparently without reason. I felt it again the next day, and that is when I realized that I also felt more confident and relaxed. I was high on life for several weeks after the Because of my newfound level of happiness from Zoloft. I built a tolerance for it and got used to it my prescription went from 20 mg to 50 mg to 100 mg. On this amount the substance started to have a negative impact on me. I had mild to severe night sweats almost every night for 1-2 months. I have also had anorexia, which led me to lose 15 pounds and I puked in my backyard almost every night. I was thin and unhealthy in addition. After my doctors put me down to 75 mg of Zoloft, I started to reverse damage. I never got the weight back on at this time that I was diagnosed with ADHD and was put on adderall. I had great difficulty in sitting still for a long time. I was squirming all the time in my chair and all, who have had a class with me, when I jump my bones in the class from start to finish. My problem with my legs is now possibly a neurological movement disorder. For some it is simply called "sewing machine leg. "So, they put me on 20 mg of adderall, which was later to 30 mg. I noticed the buzz the first day I tried it. It caused me to do my AP English homework for the first time in months, and I actually do my Spanish homework for adderall. Other drugs I was at the time called amitriptyline. This medicine only helped my physical condition. I had been diagnosed with IBS, irritable bowl syndrome, and hyperhydrosis, excessive sweating, because of anxiety. This medication helped in combination with much Zoloft. These are the rules I had before I got mono.

During my manic episode I was totally convinced that I should win the lottery. At a time I decided that my wish would come true after sleep. It is the only reason I slept except one time I was up in 72 hours. One day I woke up convinced I would finally win a lottery ticket for $ 2,500. I told my parents, I went to the service station. With me, I brought my iPod, cigarettes, lighter, my cell and my friend Greg's cell phone because he had left it in my car before he was sent away. It was a clear sunny day, and when I walked towards the gas station I said to myself: "Let's go on an adventure." I went down Fairfax County Parkway and when I went I thought I was seeing trail signs. I followed the trail and finally I thought that if I stared at the sun and turned, I could manage time. I also thought that I was a "shock" and that I could charge Greg's dead phone battery. It's my first auditory hallucinations happened that I remember. I called Greg's voicemail and voicemail lady started talking to me, which is impossible. This happened again with my own answering machine later that day because I thought she told me how to time travel. Continue on the journey I went to a tunnel tunnel where I was trying to levitate, walk on water, and crawl into another dimension. To do these things, and believe that I had obtained them led me to believe that I would eventually become a superhero. It That's crazy how I was. Although in this period, I said to myself that I was insane, I still was totally indifferent to how crazy I really was.

Time travel is not possible today, but while I was manic I really thought that I was able to do so. I thought I needed time travel tools to do it. Personal tools were noise-canceling headphones, a non-working clock, 2 bracelets, an iPod, a timer, a clock, and a color-changing clock. I would go into my basement bathroom with these points, completely naked with Sharpie dragged across my body and try to travel in time. I would turn off the lights and then turn on the fan, and so I set the timer for a certain number, and then walk out the door, hoping the world was frozen in time. I've tried this several times with my second time travel methods. My Another method was to change the time on my computer to the time of my election, which will now change the world again. I have repeatedly tried to stop time with this too, and because I thought my computer's clock was omnipotent, I accidentally made my computer's date to a day behind which left my memory dates completely disoriented. This is why I forgot my father's birthday on 3 March, a month after I first came into my manic episode because I thought it was March 2, although I had set my clock to a day behind a whole month before that. My actions affected my memory.

On the computer, I would see my music Myspace for "Safe Bet" filament and because my username the band "The Preacher" I thought it was fate that I seemed to have a kind of religious experience. This is how it felt. I came to the conclusion that all men are sons or daughters of God and that we all possess the potential capabilities are limited because of our inhibitions. I will now probably all think I have, I question the reality of it all after this episode.

During my episode, my inhibitions were released, and I experienced physically intense euphoria. It was like being high all day every day. I was in a good mood, I was energetic, and I was happy. This was in contrast to me, considering this only started 1 week after a break up that left me very depressed. I was convinced I felt completely over my ex-girlfriend. I did not know why I felt so good, or why I was watching TV in 3D. I questioned it, but only to myself. It drives me crazy when I went through the spirals of theories. Sometimes I knew I was acting strange, but I did not care. I thought I was right. I thought I was Jesus.

Relate to a person with bipolar disorder, you must have done some type of mind-changing matter. Imagine that bipolar disorder is like having an unwanted substance in your system. It reinforces feelings on both sides which can lead to manic episodes and depressive episodes, but did not bring out creativity. Bipolar disorder is commonly known, but the actual manic episodes are unexplained and remain a mystery to the public. If you are "normal" so you can be thankful, and normal I mean someone who does not need daily medication. I am stunned by 6 different medications for my mental illness. That is how much it takes for me to feel almost normal. I have only been examined under a year for my mental problems, so I grew up in what I considered a cruel world. I constantly struggled to stabilize my emotions my whole life, but I did not know what to do. I had to admit that I had mental problems and tell my parents to take me to a psychologist. It has helped me a lot and I have conquered many difficulties over the last year. But did it years' worth in reading not prepare me for a manic episode and afterwards.

Can slip in reality, when one person in a manic episode finally accept that they had one. They goes from feeling like Jesus, to feel like a dud. I got incredibly depressed because I was so disappointed with myself. I thought my dreams would come true. I thought I had special powers. I was a lunatic.

Here's a quick bio that my mother had to write to my appointment to the neurologist.

Scott was diagnosed with anxiety in the summer of 2008. Our primary care physician, Dr. Long, prescribed Zoloft, which begins with a low dose. Scott had some improvements. Scott had side effects as higher doses were given including sweating. Scott still felt anxious and expressed feelings of being crazy and Dr. Long recommended Dr. Aaron. At the start of psychiatric treatment with Dr. Aaron in December 2008, he was given a diagnosis of ADHD and was prescribed Adderall. In January 2009, Scott was diagnosed with mononucleosis. A few days later his girlfriend broke up with him and his close friend, Greg, went to Graydon Manor to treat depression and abuse. This experience was traumatic. Scott then experienced manic and hypo manic episodes for about a 4 week period in February. Initially he was treated with Zyprexa. In March he was taken by Zyprexa and Abilify was introduced and then Lithium. During his manic episode Zoloft was discontinued. Following the mania, Scott was prescribed Zoloft again starting at low doses and then increasing the current 75 mg daily dose. Zoloft was restored around the end of March. He is not currently manic or hypo manic. When his mother and observer of his daily activities, I think he still suffers from depression. He often sleeps during the day. He is oa reduced school day schedule and is taking 2 college classes in order to graduate. It is difficult for him to focus on activities (apart from playing music, his passion). Focus on school activities is very difficult. Reading a literary novel that has no interest impossible. He can no longer even enjoy the pastime of watching television and sleeping instead. Attendance is sporadic at the school for various health reasons, tired, not feeling well, nausea, etc.

Part 2: 1 = 0

Before writing Part 2, Part 1 I showed around to classmates, friends and family. I also went to 2 of the main bipolar support websites and posted my story and received comments and responses. All praised me on these writings, and I was very glad to hear, but I feel the need to explore my thoughts on several of my manic episode, I think … it was 30 days. I'll try to remember as much as I possibly can. I went back and gathered my crazy writings from my episode, and I found some disturbing them. In a random notebook I found on a random page words

"I, Scott Andrew Bennett how I died because I killed myself with my mind. Now, I know the 2 eyes = 1 Everything I How. Um, circles and squares. iTunes Music = Music = IAMMUSIC. "

I do not know what I thought.

If you think it is strange that the next piece will be very weird. Its my summary of why the 1 = 0, that I have written up during my manic episode.

"English is just a sub-circle of language, and so So is mathematics, I can literally communicate logical to you so that you think faith is a circle, non-linear. Logic is linear and therefore can be raised along the circle of faith. Their faith is a value. Meanings of place holding values can be represented by x. If x = 1, where "1" is a limited amount (1 represents the word "limited"), so should it be proven that x = 0 then all would have an infinite value. You have to loosen your understanding loose on your own human potential perception of what an accurate value really is and what infinity really is. If you think of everything as a circle, so you can replace the importance of the infinitude of logic in English of effective communication. I tell you now that the equation of faith is 1 = 0 But think of the "=" as "?" and then simplifying, who once more to the dot of the question label because an issue is English for infinity. One answer is simply another question. Therefore, the logic of English is solved and the answers entered by thinking in circles, which is why the faith equation is "1 = 0" because 1 is not zero for you. It made no sense to me either until I went around the circle of logic. I know I got the answer, because I understood the concept of infinity. Which is faith and faith is a translation of the human development approach. It is a math. "

This brings me to a high point in my manic episode. When I felt that I had discovered that 1 = 0, it is because my world was shattered and I began to do all the crazy things. That was when I knew there was something beyond the ordinary with this feeling I had in the past few days. It was when I realized that there was something very different. I did not know. But I was a full-blown insane. I had lost it. But at the moment, I thought that I had won it! I thought that 1 was equal to 0 and I thought I had crossed over to the spiritual world. That is what led me to believe that I would soon have special powers, for example, I tried to go in Moonlight 3 miles on the west side of beef road and go into a dog by manipulating my shadow with my thoughts.

This is only a summary of the 25 page manuscript 1 = 0, as I have in my journals. Remember, I had written 25 pages of handwritten material in about 6-8 hours strait thought that I had just proved 1 = 0, which I thought meant I had proven that I was actually in the dream still. At this point I said to myself, Scott, is everything that makes you feel good, why are you still scared? And I said, I do not know. And so I told Scott, you do not need to worry more.

This is what a manic episode feels. Everyone thinks manic episodes are frightening or terrible. They are so funny. It's like waking up one day and says I should do what the hell I want to do today in 30 days. What people have need to understand is just one word.

Inhibition, an inhibition is a feeling of fear or embarrassment that stops one from behaving naturally. Inhibition can also be defined as the process to terminate or delay a chemical reaction.

When I said to myself, not be afraid anymore? I then realized that it would take time to lose my fear, of fear. I think all fear. I tried so hard to lose my fear that I wanted to bend gravity by flying. This is known to drop your inhibitions. Your body releases the inhibitions and you feel tremendous euphoria. Euphoria in my manic episode was something I jog. I would solve things. I could do something 2 things an equation in my head and try to solve them. I will give a reason for everything.

One day I woke up and said: "Am I still dreaming? I should be." The day I came down, chucked a portrait full kitchen, and then proceeded to steal my mother's car and take it to Tommy's house. His mother said: "Did you take your mother's car without her permission? I said confidently and boldly," Yes. "She was shocked, so She did not say anything more and I do not even get in trouble that day when my behavior was so strange that my parents did not know what was happening.

Only Bipolar people ever think that they actually Jesus. It's actually common. But, I did actually feel like Jesus. Wow! That felt amazing, let me tell you … I called my second album in Safe Bet, "The Second Coming", because I thought I was the second coming of Jesus. The reason that I thought I was Jesus Christ was, because one day on my Myspace Safe Bet it began to glow and shine and when I looked at it for some reason I thought that "The Preacher" (my nickname in the band) meant anything religiously. I just as having a religious experience. So I thought I was Jesus when I felt that I had successfully passed on the water in 2 seconds. I figured I would have to learn. But I've never told anyone that I thought I was Jesus. It was not until my friend Tommy Cook then told me that he thought I was Jesus Christ and that he was Saint Thomas. And the weird part is. He actually believed it. And then there were about 6 people. Why? For about 2 weeks to all my friends had been puzzle for me to make predictions. I would say primarily the future in strange ways. I've done things like guessing the first song on my iPod shuffle Infront Tommy Cook, the song was 1976 by RJD2. Ill never forget. One day I said to my friend Ziad instigation I saw him, hey dude, you've been bored for about 2 weeks and just took an old hobby. His response? "Yeah dude, I, ve been bored, so I took the guitar again" Coincidence? The same day I was at my friends house Taylor Creighton, and he played guitar and I said, you have been tired all week, so you downloaded guitar. And he was like yeah, how did you know? I said a similar thing to Taylor Thomas on the day before. I said Taylor, you've been so bored recently and so excited, and it stops you from playing guitar. I was right. This is one of the many bizarre things Taylor Thomas and I had happen during my manic episode. My second friend Martin Lee had witnessed what I had said to Ziad and had already been astonished me. There was a good deal of confusion, and I had started it. I asked Ziad later what he thought about the incident, he said, "It was pretty interesting. It was not really freak me out, but it was fascinating. It was like, how did he just know? "

One of my best friends, Tommy Cook, and I had a memorable day exactly 7 in my manic episode. He was the first friend I had seen in 7 days and I had just had 7 days with mania and was at that point, I thought I was going to turn into a werewolf at night. I had all my writings in a bag, which ironically is called Music = Life in it and a yellow notebook with a spiral drawn on it.

Tommy was the first to see my writings. He then this and many other things, including my time travel tools. The day I was wearing my 2 bracelets, non-working clock, and at that time I had a new beginning colored rainbow hat. It had a special meaning for me because at some point I had joined my hat to a song called Sherbert Head of Boards of Canada. So I thought it was special. I took him to the subway bought him everything he wanted, because I had just announced that we not only will win the lottery, but I could melt the plastic in my eyes. I kept my license to ceiling lights and tried to focus my eyes so that a laser would form as I could melt small holes. I tried and failed, but of course I thought I had succeeded.

Part 3: Tommy Cook's Perspective

Mani is the most confusing phenomenon that has ever come in direct contact with my life. When your best friend go through something so surreal, it is bound to take you on tour.

On February 9, I met the manic Scott for my very first time. I drove up the driveway to see him standing outside his garage, Coke in hand, with a bag full of paper and a selection of random objects. Bizarre, I thought. What the hell is he entering now? When he got in the car, he asked me if he looked like a "time traveler." Strangely, he resembled more a character than usual. A character from a movie, book … I do not know. He was just a character. He felt like a completely different person to me, even within ten seconds to speak with him. I do not know why, but I felt that Scott had a sort of aura of enlightenment. He looked as if he had discovered the greatest thing humanity would ever see.

Part 4: Taylor Thomas' Perspective

Call it a manic episode, call it what you will, but I think talking about Scott Bennett was one of extreme perplexity. To fully understand how much this "incident" was influenced Scott, you have to go back and ask who Scott was in advance. Before the episode Scott, from my perspective at least, was a casual musician and friend. A couple of other friends and I will group at Scott's house to jam out and messing around on various instruments, in some ways to create music. Scott was always the first to suggest that we all come together and participate in such musical gatherings. We would do this twice maybe three times a week, we will talk about normal things like high school girls, grades, parties, etc. From what Scott had told me before there was some serious tension between him and his family, but from what he told me that I treated it as nothing out of the ordinary parent of troubled teen relationship. Until one day, said Scott me that he was severely depressed and that he did not know why. For me it was no surprise, the kids were just constantly around Oakton. But in seriousness, Scott felt was far different, I would say in the way he described his pain was much more serious. But this was just the anticipation of a much larger event.

In Universal theories and concepts, everything has already happened, so we can see signs of an event to happen before it actually has, and we are in the past by this event. But when this case happens it happens in a split second, the effects of all who have visited or a portion of the building up to this event, you who have been in the event horizon is longer, feel the effects longer, those who did not feel short-term events or events that they can wave off. People do not know this, but they look anticipation of events every day. A building that is slowly building up to a much bigger event that we all have seen coming, but did not know who knows, maybe our existence is a building block for a larger event. We see these everyday events that just "coincidences" or less accidentally little we know they could very well lead to much larger events. But I digress this paper is about my response to Scott's episode. To relate what I say, I saw this event coming. I was around whenever there was a hint of it.

It all started when I was talking with a friend of a friend of a friend. We had not talked in a while, and somehow Our conversation leads to music, and music to Scott.

"Oh, you play with Scott Bennett?" Asked the girl

Well one thing leads to another, and before I knew it, we talked about (she was talking about), how cute he was. She had finished our conversation by informing me that she would be very grateful if I were put a good word for her. So of course I did. I told Scott that the next day about how this girl I knew had said he was really sweet (I hoped that this might raise Scott's confidence a bit and not be so depressed) Scott responded surprising and told me that he had barely spoken to her. On that point I just dropped it, I was never one to get involved in other people's business and just let what would happen between Scott and this girl happen.

About one week had passed, before I had heard the news about Scott and his new girlfriend. As I approached him the next class, we did the high school formality in a trite statement about "getting some "and then a high five. After that I had not really talk to Scott all so much to me at least that he and his new girlfriend has spent some considerable amount of time together, and frankly, just comes out of a relationship, I myself was fairly cynical "love" and did not want to be part of it.

Now you think, what does this have to do with Scott's manic breakdown, and my answer to that is everything and nothing. The girl was watching the event. It was what is it all going, so that she was the principal of Scott's episode and the smallest at this same time, an oxymoron, yes, but I hope I illustrated my point properly. See where Scott and this girl broke up it was just the turning point for the poor kid.

Scott I'md me the day they broke up.

Scott: She dumped me.

Me: AW damn man, why?

Scott: I do not know haha

Me: Oh well, what it is just a girl

Scott: yeah …

This conversation just felt that I was normal kid just been dumped, of course, he will feel bad. The thing that Scott failed to mention that I was all the shit that had happened to him leading up to that (or I thought he did). A lot of it was obvious, and I had just tried to help him, and treated it like any normal high school issues, so many times Scott had told me that he had family issues and took medicine so many times Scott had told me that he wished that he could lift and play sports, but could not because of back problems, and still at this time for me it is not very meaningful. Not quite yet. But after weeks and weeks of Scott is not showing up in school, I began to wonder. During our second period class together, I had asked for a long time friend Tommy Cook, where Scott was.

"Scott is really really messed up man …" Tommy had informed me

"What do you mean? "

Tommy then told me that Scott was diagnosed with mono just before the girl had broken up with him. I had immediately thought just "ouch broken heart", how very, very wrong I really was.

I had not been around Scott for 2 weeks after breaking up, and I figured he just needs to get out of the house, you know the party do high school stuff. Then one night there would be this big celebration over at a friend of mine and Scott's house, I thought "great this is my opportunity to get him out of the house and back again socialization" I called Scott up and he reluctantly said he would be there. But when I met Scott at the party he was acting very unusual, much less talkative, and generally unwell. It was not until around 12 at night when I noticed he had actually gone. Around that same time, Scott's mom called me and asked where he was. I was at a loss for words, and informed her that I had no idea Scott's residence. Apparently a person at the party had told me that Scott jumped the fence and ran off after about an hour before the party starts. The weekend after that I simply thought, ok, that was too great for him to start with, Scott must have had some kind of concern about the number of individuals who had participated in, and I want to do something small for him at my place. This evening was probably the most important night in the whole episode for me, this night Scott Bennett's manic episode was at this point, so strong that it almost made almost manic as well. It began as just another night in the apartment, but later, Scott wanted to hang out. We later found ourselves talking about things like Space, music, etc. That was until Scott said something way out of the ordinary. He had told me that he could control what was happening and that he was a superhero, and that if he thought so he would not and could not die. He was so sure that I would almost believe him. He repeatedly told me again and again that he was super man that we all were, but we just did not know it, until he told me his ideology. I sat there trying to find logic in what he said, but could not, but at the same time a part of me really believed it. Now, who knows we all want to be anything special? Nobody wants to be the average person who goes to school, work, come home and have a normal life. If anyone came up to you and told you that you were more than what you had something superhuman and changed your mood, you would not believe it? The next day I woke up to find holes in the logic of it, Scott said, but decided to live by his explanation of life and how we lived it, just for a day. And the very day that I felt I really believe it. My "faith" strictly was a sudden interest in what was to Scott to act in a way. Every time I spoke to him from that point on he had a new concept, a new idea added to his original preface by color physics and an extreme mind over matter attitude. At one point, Scott had told me that he could bend light and power color out of a TV screen by wearing 3-D glasses. I did not necessarily think it totally fascinated me. Scott really believed what he said. If he thought it would be, and if we thought it would happen to us. There were many different kinds of Scotts' ideology, but there seemed to be the general concept of it and I think that the good will happen to me, you see it and believe that good will happen to you. "Now Scott had decided these things to be truly at the base light color science to it and with further research, I had found that Scott had been able to convince so many people and so many people freak out with predictions because he simply was hypnotizing them without realizing it. Scott would freak people out with a certain trick, which was to see a white car, a red car and a black car, more than any other car on the road, just because he said it, and that these colors were particularly important. Ladies and gentlemen who read this, what Scott did was a form of marketing. Of course are you going to see more white, red or black cars, if someone says look straight into your eyes, "you will see this more." You brain can not help it, is it has been warned to see the colors red white and black because of an interesting conversation, and whether you like it or not, the first thing you should think about who you're looking at a white red or black car, it is time that the person is looking you in the eye and said you will see this. And people did not realize it, Scott was not aware of it, he thought he was an omnipotent being with the ability to predict human behavior by making them show a certain way all day. He did what people perceived as everyday life is not so everyday life. He was getting people to behave in a certain way by subconsciously hypnotizing them into believing it! He would spend his confidence in what he said to hypnotize people to see the events he wanted them to see! For a better example, Scott would say, I bet I know what your week was like, and a curious person will ask ok what was it? And Scott would say, with the greatest amount of confidence, it was boring, was not it? And secondly, in a person's brain, as Scott said something so pure Indeed, with so much confidence, they will eventually believe it. They will remember all the sad times, they had this week, and well over analyze it without knowing it. This was what people understand anything? They could not find an opinion about, but the fact that Scott had "predicted" their week, they questioned whether it was genuine.

A day in the middle of Scott's episode, Scott tried to tell me that 1 actually equals 0 He was so confident, so sure in his explanation that it got me thinking of possible logical ways in which 1 was equal to 0, he was so sure that there was no way he could be wrong that my brain had to find alternative significance and so it did. He had told me that 1 was a border and that it was human nature to restrict things, and that if you really understand 1 equaling 0 they would break a spiritual world and come to a new level of understanding. For me it was a wish to be special and Scott convincingly that made me think logical way for 1 equal to 0, was that the border was actually man-made and that 1 is almost 0 because of the nature of man to make borders. Now later, I realized how wrong I was indeed, and my interest in Scott's behavior grew.

It was all very interesting, until one day Scott began to tell me that he was the Second Coming. Now for me it was too much to even be interested in. I was the one who has studied physics and universal concept (which are two very different and much-researched fields) and Scott's new views and polarity on them, and now Scott had brought a religious aspect of his "color physics" and "creative" ideology, which I had once found interesting. Suddenly, with the religious part brought in I had lost all my interest in Scott's episode, and for me Scott once fascinating and amazing views on things just become a cult, with a preacher who could really make people think. Not to take anything away from Scott himself, he really believed what he had thought, and a few weeks after I had lost interest, came back down to earth and has written in detail about his manic episode. During this time, when you spoke to him, he did not indicate or theorize about things he knew nothing. He could time travel by light waves and particles acceleration with the right colors. He could predict how a person will act using signs, he received from the colors, he was more in harmony with. In Scott Bennett's mind, he was God.

Part 5: The Yellow Notebook

Throughout my manic episode, I was constantly trying to persuade people around me that I had special abilitites. I spent 30 minutes trying to do magic tricks on my parents. I spent countless hours talking to Tommy tries to get him to believe me of all my theories. One symptom of mania is excessive talking, and Tommy and my parents saw that most. It was totally bizarre. I actually had no control over the amount which I spoke. I would try to go from point A to point B in my conversations, but I would get the track right away and just be tracked until they asked me a question, and then I would do it again.

Most people gave me blank stares when I would speak my theories to them. Some names on my theories about my yellow book was Rainbow Theory, Bubble Theory, circular theory, and Rubix Theory. Rubix Theory was the idea that I could read the color combinations on the dice to find out how to move the squares. I've tried it a few times, but I've never tried in more than an hour at a time.

This is the first page of my yellow book that shows how my thoughts, who worked at the time.

What led me to believe it … I wrote this because I wanted to find the answer to a question I had. I am thrilled to find that after writing questions as a title. I had solved a problem. Or should I saw "I had solved the problem" This is more accurate because I had answered the question. And so I had to stop and figure this thing out next … on a separate sheet of paper. I'm back haha, I realized that …. jams are easing. Stop making yourself so sad. We are so mean to ourselves that we are doing TV shows that set up online predators. It is sad. Sadness is the sight before happiness. If you're starting to be sad you feel sad mentally and physically, reveals what makes you sad are the circles of life I just now realized. Dictate your mindset right pace to see the "good" of everything. Setting your mind set to bipolar mode, but the feeling is unipolar target here because physical actions are reactions to think happy thoughts. If you're sad … then you can logically think happy. Therefore feel happy. Think of your happiest times and you will control your destiny. I'm sure you can think of a good one. Go do it again! Why not? I do not know what my first thought was, but now I do. I would never be suicidal ever. And I'm the logical confident, why not. I can get it for just a few words. Do not kill yourself. Life is evolution. Do not end evolution. I am writing a book for myself. No one else will read this. Imagine a time. I have visions. I can build for the future. I was born with creativity. I want to see the future. I know the future? I think in 3 dimensions. At one point I must write a double circle book. I understand the importance of color.

The next part is an excerpt from my early manic writings of my argument that 1 = 0, my main theory at the moment to be manic. This was the foundation of my argument for existence. I wanted to prove that 1 = 0 to prove that the concept of infinity can not be mathematically understood. This was taken from my manuscript paper I called the human manifestation.

The Human Manifesto

I will show you that you can find the solution to everything is to think in circles all the way down to the mathematical representation of 1 = 0

"." Is a circle. "O" is a circle. A filled in O is a dot. A bullet is an open circle, because you may believe that there could be an opening at one point that the human eye can not see. Understanding that a full circle could actually be open is the kind of faith. Mathematical, faith is expressed as 1 = 0 Their religion is where you set your limit on faith. Christianity is limited faith. It is equal to "one"; unlimited Faith is when you set your faith to zero. Atheism is "zero". It is unlimited. If a person's faith is set at one so they get a value of one. If you see where 1 = 0 in circles every number other than "zero" is a subcategory, a border. That makes Christianity, Islam and Judaism are all subcategories of atheism. Being an atheist is to believe that 1 = 0, because they have faith in God, atheism, "non-absolute zero." This is circular theory used to believe, but there are circles inside everything. One person asks questions like "why?" Because they want a "solution". For Christians, Christianity = 1 It is their answer. Atheists are those who always ask a question. The differences between the physical and mental level, the war in all human minds. We try to relate the 2nd That is how we see things. Separated from other animals, humans are able to make war and sign peace agreements. So, the question of the physical plane is "What?" And it mental level, the question "But what if?" It is a circle. A human mentality is a growing circle. Nirvana is when a person grows their circle enough to achieve peace while alive. It is mental-aging. Aging of the human mind is the growth of humanity. This growth leads to maturity and your mental age is measured by your own maturity. Being ignorant is being unaware of the "zero" in maturity. This is being "ignorant immaturely." Not wanting to be ignorant is to believe in the 1 = 0 This is the mathematical representation of the Faith. To have faith is the result of mental-aging.

Language is the basis for human interaction. Other animals that have only their instincts. Animals think in "zero", but consider that 1? 0, as a Christian, a border is the mental age is reached. If we know that language is the separation so we know the circle of the origin of mankind's dominance. Circle of physical / metal can be used for language. We can again use circular theory again after finding the values 1 = 0 This is what opposites are. "1" and "0" is similar. Because opposites as the circle in the language. We just need to find ways "=" (resolve) the contradiction. We must find the belief in the 1 = 0, because we have faith that everything can be expressed as "2x" when simplified. This is the meaning of "forever" in the figures. The symbol of? is 2 circles to infinity. You can always melt the 2 circles Total of 1 and if 1 = 0 then 2x is infinite, because 2 (0) is infinite, which is eternal. If 2 (0) = 0 and 0 = 1, then 2 = 0 and 3 = 0 and 4 = 0 and 5 and so on. 1 = 0 is a simplified version of the mathematical equation. "1 = 0" is what faith is. It is the answer to humanity. It is the human equation. The whole of mankind is a circle. Man invented language, a tool for humanity. There are many. Only 2 are necessary for a human to operate successfully, a "physical" language and a "mental" language. Their thinking language, so is your "mental" and mathematics is the physical. You are born with the instinct of mathematics, but because people have reached a point that the bilingual-mentality, we have found our "1" and "0" that exist in humanity. I needs only one language to thinking and up to this point you now consider this as English. My most advanced taught mathematics can be reduced by looking at my hardest mathematics classes taken, but, I have had 2 hardest Math classes, because I have seen in Math 2 different languages. Last year as a 11th grade student at Oakton High School in Fairfax County, Virginia, and I took the Computer Science and Pre-Calc Honors. I finished with a D + (73) in Pre-Calc Honors and a C (74) in computer science. My circle may be rising, but right now I am in retrospect of my training in 2 languages and, ironically, I take the easiest possible Math class had to choose. I take Probability and Statistics as a senior, a very simple class. I've been a C student when it comes to mathematics Throughout my education. The same can be said about my English and Spanish. History, I can get an A in. I had also Looking back, I had to look at the "0" and then "1" in my life, and when I found "=" in "1 = 0 "so I found it very 1: a instinct any of the existing living thing. Living beings use language. You have to ask" How can 1 = 0 if death and life exist? This is our first "mental" instinct and our "physical" issues. Math is the very beginning.

Think of math as the beginning and then use the circle theory to use the tense of "ing" in mathematics. Language is a subcategory mathematics. Everything falls under mathematics. All things can be inferred from all ways. A circle, 360 *, all ways, as is the view of faith. If you think the 360 can you will find faith in the 1 = 0 The setback of humanity, all errors in one group, are what stop us from finding that 1 = 0 If you find the language of life you must believe in Circular theory, because remember how "2x" is infinite, and if you take the 2 points on one edge of the ac cycle, you can create infinite by forging links at all ways, starting by finding 2 points of something. "X" in the "2x" represents a point, because when a circle is done, 2 points disappear. It is now a circle. Infinity is circular and a circle is infinite. This use of the 1 = 0, in English, is to say that the answer to everything is inversely circular motion, or, unipolar movement. We can easily find our "1" values and "0" values mathematically everything (including words) is an opposite. Learning from mistakes is the equation "1 = 0" and "=" is to learn from some mistakes. Everything is a circle. You are a circle. Your mind is a circle. You think in circles. The "=" is going around in circles. Peace is to find smaller quarters. War is to find larger quarters.

This is how I found my conclusions. I found one of my values 1 = 0 I'm alive. Therefore, I see death. Seeing life is what I try to do. I think in circles. I'm trying to think in circles. I will try to think in circles. My "wish" is my spiral into temptation to find the "=" in "1 = 0". I had a revelation that people invented temptation. The temptation is the circle of your consciousness. To believe in the 1 = 0 you must understand the concept of infinity. The sky is the limit. This is a little blurry way something simple. Infinity is the limit. One does equal zero. Zero corresponds to one. Developer is nature's way learn how the infinity of living. So if you have this faith, so you have a circle. Once you have a circle you are all circles. Human brain potential said to be 10%. The potential is measurement of a circle. Man is only at 10%! Think in circles! If we are at 10%, so at once we were on 9% and hopefully will be at 11% and so on. Faith is seeing. If we look for 100%, then we must look to 0%. Hindsight is language at -100%. Mathematics, language, infinite, and faith. It is the small circles of life. These are the smallest physical and psychological circles that a human can see. To accept death is the final decision on a human must do to make a circle out of your life. Non-acceptance of death is suicide is reached. I saw the simplest light a human can see. Have no faith is the result of suicide. If you find the faith in "zero", so you must set a limit if you can not find faith in "one!" and "a = Zero. "During the life, times do we measure our faith by death. If we limit by making 1? 0 then we are doomed. Circular Theory can be a response to infinity, because infinity is equal to the opposite of limited, which is 1 = 0, and then finally a circle. A person grows mature in thinking circles.

Trauma is the opposite of nostalgia. The distinction of Trauma reaches the outer limit of a human when suicide is implemented. The small circles and larger circles is how the solution of life is preferred. To find a way around the circle is how we grow. Mentality to thinking in values has an opportunity to go "1" and "-1". So people's mentality is the moment we are in the circle of our mental age. Time is how we find ourselves in a circle. We are continuously decreasing (-1) and growth ( "1") in our stability. Time is a force. The time is "1" value and "zero" represents how we perceive life. You need faith inside the logic and meaning of "inverted", to find the "+?" Of time. I have been looking "+?" because that is what I want. But I had to travel in a circle of revelation reaching the value of "?" By adding "-?" To my equation. "-?" and "+?" together to do?, which then proves why the 1 = 0 We see the infinite as such "?" Because we see everything as bipolarized. Good or bad. An unbiased mind is my mind. Human mentality is defined as a range of happy and sad, hot and cold, good and evil, etc. I fought a war in my mind to what I told myself to stop contradicting myself in my head, because I was open-minded towards life. I have an unbiased opinion against humanity, because I have changed the way I think. I created a new mindset. I now think in circles because at this point I am on the trail of string theory, which is a circle. Polarized experience of a human being can be measured by Trauma and nostalgia. Individuality is achieved by measuring yourself in your own way. If a circle exists in everything, so think in spirals is when you find the two extremes, the inner circles. Revelations are the roadblocks in the mentality that we were able to get over. Revelations is the community we create. When we make a circle out of 2 opposite emotions or human roadblocks, we have our revelations. A discovery is when you want to "+?" in life, but knows that "-?" exist and that they just get along? "but more as" 0 "or just". " Each filled circle or not the human eye is a empty circle. To believe is to have faith. Time is what revelations come about. Time is "=" of all things. Time is one way to find loop-holes. The unknown of time is a black hole. Memory is the source of data a human user. Memory is a "sub-circles" of Math, which is as a sub-class time. An understanding of Time is measured by patience. "Patience is a virtue until its silence burns you." (Tv on the radio) I have repeated that phrase to myself over and over again since their album, Dear Science out. I now realize that I have found many answers in music. Instead of explaining how I was affected, I can tell you about the results of influence. These are the results of my lifelong obsession with music.

I have always believed in music as, "Music will never betray you. "Music is a result of super-development. It is easy to measure changes in these days to see technology and environmental adaptations. Technology is the natural development of life. How you adapt to ongoing environmental changes is how you measure mental development. We are at a point where we can ask your burning questions for me. I will use "What?" / "But what if" theory in your mind. I will reveal your unknown temptation that is discreetly kill you. I will now show you when to do it for myself.

Your first question, after you see the visual "0 = 1 "when you say there is no such thing as accurate answers. This question shows that you have faith in the" 1? 0 " your mind and apply it in the wild. Because getting an accurate answer, you have to look at the non-specific answers. Think of your mind as data. Think like a computer. Think binary code. "1 and 0. When you consider that 1 = 0 you can find the opposite solution to its opposite solution. Remember that 2x = Time. Time resulting in the development. Evolution is 2 We must use time as our tool of domination. The simple circle, you can get to the more faith you will find, and the larger circles represents an evolution. If you do not believe that this circle could have filled an empty center visually:. When we remember how Trauma and Nostalgia work and apply it to your memory of life. This is the "human circle of data." Our memories are not perfect. That said, we are halfway to believe in "1 = 0 ". I am able to convince you by translating my circular thoughts over human existence on paper. You should already see that I go in circles. Let's say a 100% contradiction can only reach 100% of the total control of some purple alien because nothing is perfect, right? If this "100% contradiction" was used to humans. How can you convince a person? I have shown it to you now as words on paper. In English, I argue / persuade / fail to convince people often. I argue constantly. Who is not? An argument is a circle. "100% against" equal "-100% Persuasion". Again we see "0 = 1". The "-" characters representing Doubt. Doubt is the inability to overcome fear because of negative thinking. We see negativity as immoral. I see it as a virtue. It is simply a small circle of patience. Only in our thoughts language is called "negative thinking" hurt us. We are so advanced in language that We are sophisticated enough to kill ourselves because of the presence of negativity in our minds. But we can not attribute human emotions yet negativity until we accept and embrace negativity and see the circle between the 2 points of "positive" and "negativity". The human race's impending doom is because we believe "negatively" We must change our mindset, our destiny, to believe that "1 = 0" so that contradictions no longer affects us. In darkness, one must find a light to find themselves. Light in the darkness and vice versa! A hole in the contradictions of Darkness and Light is the logical and literal circle of life. I wrote the whole theory 5 hours after writing the following sentence in the middle of math class, "What made me think this …" Chapter 2 shows the solution spirals I begun to fall through and how I came to these conclusions. They told me I was in a manic episode, I know it seemed like, but I was not. What I went through was a mathematical break through. A literal break through ..

I also have a bag that says Music = Life in the where I keep all my loose paper manic writings. These days, I reached in, pulling something out and spook me out. The creepiest one I've found is a line the paper says …

I

KILLED

ME

IM
In Heaven

This is Heaven …

I thought that in my dream, when I wanted to die, I had figured that I just killed me in the conscious world, because in my dream I had done it in the unconscious world. My world felt so euphoric and full of energy, that everything seemed unreal to me. So my logic came to the conclusion that I was in heaven. Interestingly enough, I have actually experienced what it is like to be mentally to the devil. I drove around with some kids that I had just met, and some of my friends, and the guy driving looked like me, and it was in a leap year day and for some reason I thought he was me a year before. He himself was acting as I had been a year earlier. He was even driving the same type as my car. I started to freak out, and everyone began half seriously believe everything I said that unfortunately led to me asking them, am I dead? Jokingly said the "Yes, Scott, you are dead, and we will bring you to the devil." They did not know I was manic at the moment so I thought just what he said. It was at night, and I was scared out of my mind and started to confess everything I had done wrong, and my last will and other things of that nature. The day I was happy to discover I was in heaven, but when they told me that I was going to hell, I thought … "Oh, no, I had it all wrong, it's purgatory."

Following is from a post-it.

When the eyes roll back, they see the Dark. Dark = Subconcious, controlling Dark is slipping into the unconscious. Senses are limits. Unlimited sense is a color. A rainbow is an array of colors. If life is white and Death is black, so you now agree that I am a secondary color communication from the 1 = 0 There is no limit for color. Not at this point.

Here is a theory of mine that I found on my computer. It was the primary theory my entire episode. I actually wrote it up while I was manic. This one bothers me personally because I actually theorizing about manic symptoms I was experiencing.

Spiral Theory

You will travel the route of a question mark in Math's concept of 3-dimensional view, literally and mathematically by placing less complicated English language to the more complex languages Math. Meaning is conveyed in language. The idea is that when a person accepts 100% believe in an idea. We are thinking in English and mathematics. Math is just a simpler version. To take English and math, you must understand that English is a sub-group of Math. And for me to convince you 100% of how to answer a question you will not see the literal meaning of a symbol that is a question mark.

You see, I have just completed my goal to complete the circle of my concept. I began and ended with disseminating "The idea behind the question mark." I think it closed a circle, but what I really doing is a spiral. My thinking is spiral thinking. This is how the solutions have come up with. Learning from mistakes is simply turning your back on fear and a spiral forward middle of a question. A center of a question, the answer to a question. For you to make a complete circle FEELS in your mental state, as if you've completed a circle. You just have faith now 100% that I got success in a circle. That is what answering a question. The answer to a question is a circle. A question never ends, so it is infinite … right?

The 3 dots I just represented is an ellipse, which is time transported into written symbols. For us, feels like 3 dots a break. 3 times is a break. If time is represented by a dot, and time is infinite. Then, the 3 dots could be labeled as 3 endless circles. If you bring the 3 circles together you get an empty circle. Their mentality's measurement of emptiness is your natural reaction on the boundary of the human eye. The human eye as a ball, representing the vision. Vision will then be considered to be all that you see on the outside of the eye. Your student is literally see the opposite of knowledge as a physical form. You deal with incorrect information due to the natural reaction to the psychological reaction Fear. = Fear the unknown. The opposite of fear is Hope. Fear results in mental distress, which then calculates the physical and chemical reaction. Hope is the result of mental happiness, which then calculates the physical and chemical reaction. Hope is happiness. Find joy is about to complete a circle of happiness. Go back to "the natural reaction of the perception of emptiness is the same chemical reaction on the boundary of the human eye. "Zoloft is an anti-depressant, which strengthens your body chemically to feel happy. Be guided by a drug to prevent suicide is a chemical that causes you spiral in the opposite direction of death. This is an outward spiral, spinning out of control. Spinning out of control, depression, inability to control your mental state. Spinning out is literally a growing ball shape "out" can be seen as a direction of a spiral. We physically can grow by going this direction. If we get out of control, we feel anxious and depressed, which then makes us so overwhelmed that we physically feel awful. This can lead to suicide. Suicide is the opposite of life. Life is a measurement of something in time. A limit of something. Death is a limit of Life therefore a measurement of something in time. To feel once physically, you need to wait. Your physical self is waiting for your body to process information about the unknown that you're looking at, and then respond by growth. This is about evolution is a chemical reaction a mental perception. Humans are the only animals that have a mathematics and a perception of death. You can see a language and a border. Using language we can change our conception of infinity. Do you remember seeing the 3 dots I did? Your subconscious processed committed by "an ellipse is 3 dots which corresponds to a time-line, therefore, after 3 dots. 3 moments are created, which is a measurement of time, so I command my physical body to feel the value of time. "The end of time is death, which seen for human life. We are able to see death and because of the mathematics we think in opposites. We believe in a bipolar 2-dimensional empty circle. That is how mathematics is resolved. We need to think in circles to solve a problem, of course. What if we were to think in spirals? What if we redefined the concept of infinity to disprove math, while a "number" is a placeholder for an infinite value. But because we believe in a circle, we limit our concept of infinity to a placeholder. A placeholder is a limit. The opposite of infinity is the limit. No limit can be mathematically defined as 2x, where x is time. 5 years. 10 days. 2 seconds. 1 minute. If Infinity is symbolically represented with? [Definition given by Wikipedia] a figure eight, and when you now know as 2x. Then x is infinite. Time is infinite, therefore, likely to be infinitely accurate. The symbol of a figure eight represents a route an infinite route. Because we write it off as a figure of eight, our perception of time is a circle. A route of a circle is infinite. This is what String Theory is. String theory says that the path of infinity can be represented by a circle. String theory says that? Travel the same route as a circle. However, a circle is the shape of "O" is not one?. This is because string theory is currently the smallest notion of time. Going from "?" To an "o" is simplicity. This is Math served through English, a sub-circle of Language. Today is the most brilliant mathematicians understand the concept of infinity as an empty ho

About the Author

Scott Andrew Bennett grew up in Fairfax County, Virginia. Known to have high scores in schools and a lot of government workers in the families, Virignia is where Scott has lived his whole life. He was diagnosed bipolar in 2009 and has struggled with life since, but his writing and music allows him to express himself. To visit his music site go to : http://www.myspace.com/songsofscone

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